The whiskey was gone. The gin was gone. There was half a bottle of cooking sherry under the sink, the kind with the pink label and a price tag that still had a cent sign. He considered it. Then he considered the window. Fourth floor. The alley below was a black trench full of broken glass and the silence of things that had been thrown away.
The title at the top of the page read:
He typed one more line. Then he pulled the paper out, folded it once, and put it in his pocket. Someday, someone would find it. Or not. That was the point. The whiskey was gone
At 5:00 a.m., he sat back down at the typewriter. He pulled out the half-finished poem and crumpled it. Then he put in a fresh sheet. The paper was yellowed, soft with age, like a dead man’s skin. He rolled it into place. He stared at the blank space.
“See?” he mumbled to the empty room. “Even the pests give up.” He considered it
I am so alone that the walls have started to listen. They don’t answer, but they don’t leave either. That’s more than most people.
The cockroach died at 3:17 a.m. It lay on its back near the base of the typewriter, six legs pointed toward the cracked ceiling like a tiny, overturned throne. Henry Chinaski, or whatever was left of him, watched it for a full hour. He didn’t kill it. It just ran out of reasons to keep going. The alley below was a black trench full
He finished the sherry. The bottle joined the cockroach on the floor. He thought about calling someone. His ex-wife. His bookie. The woman with the gold tooth. But his hand didn’t move. The phone was an artifact from another century. A black rotary with a tangled cord. He hadn’t heard a human voice in six days. The last one was the grocer saying, “That’ll be four eighty-five.” He’d paid with nickels.
He’d found the phrase scribbled on a napkin three days ago at a cantina in the bad part of town. A woman with a mustache and a gold tooth had left it behind. She’d been drinking mezcal with a man who kept crying into his sombrero. Henry had stolen the napkin. He didn’t know why. Maybe because the words were truer than anything he’d written in ten years.
Don’t save me. I’m finally home.