You need believable romance, strong acting, or a tight plot. Watch The Expanse or Dune instead.

On paper, they look the part. In practice, DeHaan plays Valerian as a petulant, whiny, narcissistic teenager who happens to have a government license to kill. He tries to channel a young Bruce Willis (from The Fifth Element ) but delivers every line with a constipated grimace. There is zero swagger, zero charm.

Cara Delevingne’s Laureline is supposed to be the sharp, competent, skeptical partner. Instead, she looks perpetually bored or annoyed, delivering lines like a model reading a cue card. The two have . Their constant bickering—which the script intends as "flirting"—feels like a couple arguing over rent, not two special operatives saving the universe.

If you are looking to download Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets , you are likely drawn in by the promise of breathtaking sci-fi imagery, bizarre alien worlds, and the creative mind of Luc Besson ( The Fifth Element ). And on those fronts, the film delivers in spades. But be warned: this is a movie of extreme highs and lows. It is a masterpiece of production design trapped inside a disaster of casting and dialogue.

After you download and watch it, you will likely spend more time researching the original French comic books (which are brilliant) than thinking about this movie. Besson built a beautiful cathedral, then forgot to put a soul inside it.

You loved The Fifth Element , Avatar , or John Carter . You are a concept artist or a sci-fi world-building junkie.