--- Shahd Fylm Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging 2008 Mtrjm Instant

We assembled in the Shed of Solitude (it’s just a garden shed with fairy lights and an old trampoline mat). Jas immediately said, “Georgia, you can’t force a perfect snog. It has to happen organically, like a yoghurt.”

Then Jas, who is secretly a genius disguised as a girl who collects ceramic frogs, said: “What if we reverse-engineer it? We spy on couples who are good snoggers and take notes.”

Subject: MTRJM Message: EMERGENCY. SNOGGING CRISIS. Meet in my shed in 10. Bring lip gloss and honesty. --- shahd fylm Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging 2008 mtrjm

— Georgia xxx P.S. Angus the cat just walked over my notebook and sat on the “lip balm” section. That’s a sign. Probably.

Right. Listen. My life is officially over. More over than Mum’s attempt to serve “gourmet” cat-food pâté on crackers for Dad’s work do. We assembled in the Shed of Solitude (it’s

But how? I’ve practiced on my pillow (Mr. Fluffy, who now smells of toothpaste and despair), and I’ve studied Romeo + Juliet on DVD until the menu screen burned into my retinas. Still. Zero actual lip-to-lip action with an actual boy who isn’t my cousin’s friend Tom (disaster—he laughed because I opened one eye).

Status: Dying of humiliation. Again.

So I texted the Ace Gang.

“Jas,” I said, “I don’t want organic yoghurt. I want a moment . A cinematic, rain-drizzled, eyebrow-touch moment.” We spy on couples who are good snoggers and take notes