The nun squinted at me. “His aura says ‘desperate but hygienic.’ I’ll allow it.”
“Uh… ‘creativity’?”
But I did get a callback. For a yogurt commercial. weirdest-audition-ever-backroom-casting-couch
I hesitated. “Is this… that kind of couch?”
It was a standard, ugly floral-patterned sofa from 1987, set under a single buzzing fluorescent light. In front of it sat a folding table with a half-eaten meatball sub, a spreadsheet, and a hamster in a plastic ball. Behind the couch stood three people: a bored woman in a bathrobe holding a clipboard, a nun (I think? She had a tattoo of a snake on her neck), and a man dressed as a giant avocado. The nun squinted at me
“And the avocado?”
The meatball sub looked three days old. The hamster squeaked again – approvingly, I think. I hesitated
“Welcome to the weirdest audition of your life,” said the avocado. His voice was surprisingly deep. “I’m Gerald. I handle ‘vibes.’ Please, have a seat on the couch.”
“Stage four: Depression,” the trio said in unison.
But not the one from the cautionary tales. This one was wrong .
The subject line in the email was so vague it felt like a trap: “Unique Opportunity – Immediate Start – Discretion Required.”